Another day of killing the procrastination monster. Gotta take it down one hit at a time (to echo what Judy said in her comment on my last post, thank you Judy!). I know that I need to associate pleasure with getting things done, and pain with putting things off, instead of the reverse! There has never been any real pleasure in procrastination no matter what we tell ourselves. Just anxiety, worry, and unnecessary stress. Shouldn't be that difficult to remember that! Damn denial. :-) lol...

There are so many things that I want to accomplish on both personal and professional levels in the coming few years, and I just flat out won't get there if I don't change my ways now!

Fear of success has always been bigger than fear of failure for me. I know that I can reach my personal best, but what I find intimidating is the changes that take place when you do that...

I've spent a lot of life making myself as "normal" as possible to please the people around me. And it didn't please them anyway. Everything I've achieved so far has fallen under the "abnormal" category as far as those people are concerned. Switching to homeschooling for 10th thru 12th grade (waaaay back in the day, haha!). Being in a same sex relationship that's lasted for over 13 years. Owning my own business instead of working for the man. I could keep going with this but you get the point.

Nothing is ever good enough for some people. I will always hear snide comments getting filtered back to me because they are too cowardly to say it to my face. I can say "I don't care," but clearly I do. What I've realized is that I love these people more than they ever loved me.

I'm rambling here. I should go back and edit. But that, right now, would just be more procrastination! Because I've got to get back to work. :) The point I was trying to make is that I've wasted a lot of time trying to make every individual in my life approve of me. The ones who matter already do approve, and without me trying to make it that way. I want to be Kelley again, not this nameless faceless people-pleaser that I've morphed into.

My mom always said "don't rock the boat." I know what my job in this world is. It's to rock the boat.