I guzzle coffee bitter and black.
Sugar could not sweeten me.
I like to keep it biting, bracing;
sour as the scowl on my lips.
My pain bleeds through cracks
in my sentences, spaces between
words that reveal far too much.
I have been naked and alone
even deep in commitment.
I keep miles between us
to keep me safe.
I am a bitch, a cruel overlord
who deprives her lover
of candles burning
and love unleashed.
I don't know how to be
sensuous and giving.
I have become the void,
the gaping emptiness
that sucks up all the light
and spits out nothing.
I escape.
I drive past her place,
note the flowers, remember
that she taught me to live.
Still I wait in the cemetery
behind the black grave
that holds my pain,
beside the flat stone,
the understated marker
that says I loved my father.
I wait for the firetrucks to scream,
knowing I'm the only one
who can rescue me.