This one was written with my grandmother, Adeline, in mind. How I miss her.

You Wanted Me to Feel My Own Joy

This morning,
returning earlyto the wooded trails
I used to walk with you.
The mighty trees still sway,
the autumn leaves still whoosh,
the gravel still crunches underfoot.

I feel more like myself now
than I have in years prior.
I know myself better,
and I see just how shaped
I am by your presence
and absence.

When we first weaved our way
through this maze of nature's artwork,
I was damaged and in denial.
I worked hard to handle
the immense loss
that soaked my
atmosphere.

No one,
not a soul,
heard my pain.

I wailed silently
and mourned stealthily,
with odd rituals
that over time
eased my loneliness.
Crowds and company
couldn't crack this.
I had to fix it from within.

You were steadfast in your wisdom,
having dived headlong into your faith
so many eons ago.
You disliked my vices,
but believed I'd overcome them one day.
You didn't rush me.

Your desire for me to achieve
and to really live was never selfish.
Others wanted to feel their own pride.
You wanted me to feel my own joy.

Now I mourn you,
as you've flown from these trails,
like the snow that melts overnight.
Life's ravaging will never dissipate,
increasing every day,
but I'm now adequately equipped
to take punches that once slayed me.

I am better for having
beaten a path with you,
once in this chaotic lifetime.

Copyright © 2010 by Kelley Ann Hornyak. All rights reserved.