Please forgive my lack of inspiration today! Here is another from the vault that's a particular favorite of mine, written in 2012.

___

ALL THE WHILE FREE

Victimized and terrified, I saw the world above me disappear
as I spiraled down endlessly into the empty cavern they crafted.
The cavern that I funded, that I drew blueprints for and constructed.
I blamed them time and time again for imprisoning me within it–
all the while standing beside it, free as I could ever be,
believing I was gone so deep
that no one could save me.

You looked on so helplessly.
How could you save the child who resisted saving?
And a child I remained, though the years did not spare me.
Confused inside, I questioned why–
why their words burned and left such lasting scars,
why I could not blend in instead of being their mark,
why I spent my life so bruised, battered, and marred?
All the while free, all the while free.
I could always step away.
I could always love me.

Where I saw muddied and broken wings,
I now see such wondrous things.
I see my thoughts and vision can change
those disabled appendages into
hands that reach and skin that feels,
into fingers that mold the external
into a golden gift that validates the soul.

Humbled yet empowered,
I realize that I was not given this life
to let them tread on me
or to stay stuck in those memories,
that become amplified and more real with time.
When cold, when hurting, when jaded, when empty,
I now say please and ask for healing.
I do not want to end as bitter as I began.
I dip my mind into the waters of wholeness.
I will learn how to dream again.